I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just want to make out with him forever
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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