The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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