Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
please come you make the beer taste better
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
