I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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