It's Friday. Sex?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize