OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
