Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
