drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
