I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
