i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
