Don't make out with my wife yet
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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