i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
even my farts smell like vagina
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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