if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
