i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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