Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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