Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
