i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
