I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
