tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I need a burrito and a hug.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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