He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
