Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
