moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize