i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
