Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
