then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
