Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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