Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
