stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
