I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
