you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
