just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
