are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
