I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
