Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
