In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
