I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
