So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
