Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
