Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
