hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
