Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
