id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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