I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
