I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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