North Korea, Best Korea!
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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