Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
