Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
