Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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