I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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