i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
this beer tastes like vomit already
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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