wanna go halves on a baby?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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