There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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