No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
