Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
