Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I have demons in me.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize