I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
