The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
