I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
