hotel room ftw
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
