Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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