its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I will pee on everything he values.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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