I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize