We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
