I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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