My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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