return my video game
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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