Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
