i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
