new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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