lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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