I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
