The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
