he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
