I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
