We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
