So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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