My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
