Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I need a burrito and a hug.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
