My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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