my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
