They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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