we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
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