make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
