i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
