My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
