But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Randomize
