feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
