I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
