Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
