i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize