Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
