I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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