Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
