We won't sleep together?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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