so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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