If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize