Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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