OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You've changed since you got that strap on
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
