just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
