New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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