i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
These tits shall not be calmed
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
