bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
