We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
