Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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