sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
