You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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