if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
they're like a gay fantastic four
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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