boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
